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A nation cries out in gratitude and anxiety. In my own dorm room I shed tears in a way that I didn’t know I was capable of. We have prayed for this day for so long.

On Tuesday, Oct. 18, Gilad Shalit, a 25-year-old Israeli soldier, was released by the militant Islamic group Hamas after being held in captivity by terrorists in the Gaza Strip for over five years. In exchange, Israel released 1,027 Palestinian and Arab prisoners.

Footage of Gilad on Israeli soil stirs up vast emotions. Yet the complexities of the situation are innumerable. My own personal anxieties almost restrained me from writing this piece.

It doesn’t take a seasoned Middle East expert to recognize the fragility of what was necessary to execute this unprecedented swap between Israel and Hamas.

For some background, Gilad was abducted by terrorists in a cross-border raid from Gaza into Israel in June 2006. One year later, Gilad’s captors released an audio file of him begging the Israeli government to save him and bring him home. He was 21 years old at the time. Over the next few years, he rose as a national icon in Israel as protests for his freedom amplified.

In October 2009, a video recording of Gilad — showing that he was still alive — surfaced on the Web. I was 18 years old at the time and living in Israel. I gathered around a computer screen and watched the video on YouTube with friends of mine serving in the Israeli Defense Forces. In the video, Gilad appeals to his family and the Israeli government to bring him home. My friends wept. The next day they returned to their military bases. I stayed in Jerusalem and wondered what I was doing with my life.

Gilad’s family moved into a tent across the street from the Prime Minister’s home. National fervor swelled.

For all Israelis, and many people worldwide, Gilad became a national symbol and a household name. Gilad has come to represent unity, redemption and hope. But he was also an intimate friend, son, comrade.

I yearned, prayed and campaigned for his release, every day for over five years. I felt — and still feel — a personal kinship with Gilad. His salvation is our salvation.

But still, one must ask how Israeli leadership could subject their citizenry to such pernicious risks. Israel put innumerable lives at danger by releasing more than 1,000 prisoners. These are convicted terrorists, patently determined to kill innocent Jews. What value does Gilad Shalit, one soldier, have in relation to the infinite risks?

There is no utilitarian calculus for weighing the intangible against the indefinite. Guilty terrorists are free while the ones they killed can never be “exchanged.” There were so many reasons to oppose the deal. The heart scorns the questions, but, maybe it wasn’t worth it.

I find no solace from this question. But with nowhere else to look, I turn inwards with gratitude.

Consider, for a moment, that as we slept on Monday night and sauntered to Tuesday morning 8:30 classes, a 25-year-old reunited with his family for the first time after being held hostage by terrorists for years. Gilad was 19 when he was taken captive.

The only thing I am certain of, in the midst of this entire ordeal, is how grateful I am. Consider your connection to your family, in whatever sense you choose. Contemplate the phenomenon of the infinite value of human life with hope for a continually redemptive, peaceful future.